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Throughout time we have seen young men demonstrate \u201cbecoming a man\u201d in a variety of ways; whether they went off to war, married their high school sweetheart and settled down to start a family, or left home and moved to college for the first time, historically boys actively sought out ways to become men and move on with their lives. However, we\u2019re now seeing disturbing trends of boys \u201cremaining directionless, devastated and scared children.\u201d In the article below, written by Benjamin Hardy, a writer for Medium.com<\/a> and a Ph.D. candidate, the concepts of male identity are explored. Hardy gives a list of ways the young men can make the transition into adulthood more smoothly and take charge of their lives.<\/p>\n 10 Habits that Change Boys into Men by Benjamin Hardy<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n The demise of our culture will result from the demise of its men if something isn\u2019t changed quickly. Far too many men remain directionless, devastated and scared children. Male suicide rate increased<\/a>\u00a0to three to four times higher than the female suicide rate.\u00a0Men are twice as likely<\/a>\u00a0as women to become alcoholics. And\u00a0males are far more likely<\/a>\u00a0to commit juvenile crime. Much has been said and written in recent years about the challenges of men and boys. A sampling of book titles includes:<\/p>\n A common theme is that men and boys have become increasingly confused about their identity and role in society. Kay Hymowitz, author of\u00a0Manning Up,<\/em>\u00a0put it this way:<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s been an almost universal rule of civilization that whereas girls became women simply by reaching physical maturity, boys had to pass a test. They needed to demonstrate courage, physical prowess, or mastery of the necessary skills. The goal was to prove their competence as protectors of women and children; this was always their primary social role. Today, however, with women moving ahead in an advanced economy, provider husbands and fathers are now optional, and the character qualities men had needed to play their role \u2014 fortitude, stoicism, courage, fidelity \u2014 are obsolete and even a little embarrassing.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n It is the norm in Hollywood films, TV and cable shows, and even commercials to portray men as incompetent, immature, or self-absorbed. This underlying message has subtly and increasingly become the collective unconscious with devastating repercussions.<\/p>\n Academically, it is reported in the United States that:<\/p>\n Women deserve the increased success they are getting. They\u2019ve been oppressed for\u00a0far\u00a0<\/em>too long. They\u2019re more motivated and effective than most men. And hopefully society will continue to allow them the increased equality they deserve.<\/p>\n However, this article\u2019s focus is on helping the struggling and confused young man. Indeed, many young men have taken the adverse cues of society as an excuse to evade responsibility and never really grow up.<\/p>\n If you are a young man and you\u2019re struggling,\u00a0you\u00a0<\/em>are not alone. This article is intended to challenge you to rethink your entire approach to life. If applied, these habits will radically set you apart from the decaying norm.<\/p>\n Kids look to their parents for all the answers. When they become teenagers they know all the answers. Many never mature out of this stage and remain incredibly narcissistic, which is displayed in\u00a0the following<\/a>\u00a0ways:<\/p>\n Moving beyond self-consciousness requires an increase in overall consciousness.<\/p>\n By heightening your level of consciousness, you\u2019ll see the brilliance of humanity in general, be able to relate deeper with others, experience greater joy, and have enhanced ability to manifest the destiny of your choosing.<\/p>\n The following<\/a>\u00a0are ways to increase your level of consciousness:<\/p>\n There are a host<\/a>\u00a0of both positive and negative effects of playing video games. However, approximately\u00a015 percent of American youth<\/a>\u00a0have an unhealthy addiction to video games.\u00a0Another study reported<\/a>\u00a0that 31 percent of males and 13 percent of females have felt \u201caddicted\u201d to video games.<\/p>\n Naturally, boys have a strong need for accomplishment and challenge. Yet,\u00a0studies suggest<\/a>\u00a0that some of the most popular video games are disengaging boys from real-world pursuits. Boys\u2019 need for accomplishment is satisfied by \u201cleveling up\u201d in the game; so they don\u2019t feel the need to go out into the world and solve real problems. Thus, society is not being served by their efforts.<\/p>\n Gaming often gets in the way of important relationships or meaningful life pursuits.\u00a015 percent of divorces are filed<\/a>\u00a0by women because their husband prefers video games over them.<\/p>\n This point is particularly significant to me. I myself spent a large portion of my time in junior high and high school playing World of Warcraft. Literally thousands of hours logged-in and lost.<\/p>\n I see many of my high school friends and family members who are now in their late 20\u2019s and 30\u2019s continuing to play 4+ hours of video games per day \u2014 even when married with kids.<\/p>\n Playing video games is\u00a0being touted<\/a>\u00a0as a \u201chealthy\u201d way to escape reality. Yet, one must ask: Is escaping reality (especially for extended periods of time) ever healthy?<\/p>\n The need for achievement and challenge can be accomplished in\u00a0real life.\u00a0<\/em>You can \u201clevel-up\u201d the real you while simultaneously solving social problems.<\/p>\n The industrial classroom model is killing our boys. It is not a healthy environment for them. Young boys need more physical stimulation.<\/p>\n The result is that many are improperly and lazily diagnosed with ADHD. Their natural characteristics, emotions, passions, and gifts are being curbed by medications.<\/p>\n Although it is not a popular notion, boys and girls are wired differently. Girls are often exclusively motivated by praise. They will perfect their handwriting just to have it noticed.<\/p>\n Boys on the other hand, are often motivated by tangible experiences that relate to real life. Thus, many boys see no point in having good handwriting if one day they will spend their time typing. They don\u2019t care as much what other people think. They just want to be challenged.<\/p>\n Short and intensive learning spurts,\u00a0followed by rigorous physical stimulation<\/a>\u00a0is a powerful and positive way for boys and men to learn. Rough-and-tumble play helps develop the frontal lobe of the brain, which is used to regulate behavior. Sadly, many public schools are removing gym class and recess, further exacerbating problems among boys.<\/p>\n In the recent book,\u00a0Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain<\/em><\/a>,\u00a0<\/em>authors\u00a0<\/em>John J. Ratey and Eric Hagerman share some amazing science and stories. For instance, despite many schools removing gym-class from their curriculum, others have put more focus on it and found staggering results. When kids exercise in the morning, they learn far better.In fact, they improve in all areas of their lives. Human beings are holistic. Your brain, your emotions, your relationships, are all tied together.<\/p>\n If you\u2019re living a sedentary life as a man, you\u2019re not getting the needed stimulation\u00a0you need<\/em>.\u00a0Research has found<\/a>\u00a0that males thrive in kinesthetic learning environments \u2014 learning through moving.<\/p>\n Intensive physical activity, like sprinting or heavy weight lifting (followed by extended rest periods) are a good outlet for men\u2019s need of physical stimulation. Moreover, these intensive physical activities can activate healthy levels of testosterone which produce many positive effects \u2014 including:<\/p>\n Studies have found<\/a>\u00a0that healthy testosterone levels affect men\u2019s cognitive performance, and can improve focus, motivation, and memory.<\/p>\n Interestingly, boys and girls experience pain differently. For boys, physical pain can be a stimulant fueling mental clarity. On the other hand, physical pain for girls can be a narcotic, making them feel hazy and confused.<\/p>\n I\u2019ve seen this in myself. Some of my greatest insights have come while pushing myself to the extreme while doing yard work or while exercising. This phenomenon is also seen in endurance athletes who push themselves through pain for many hours at a time.<\/p>\n In his book,\u00a0Boys Adrift,\u00a0<\/em>Dr. Leonard Sax explains that boys\u00a0need<\/em>\u00a0\u2014 not want \u2014 to be responsible. If they are not needed, they don\u2019t flourish.<\/p>\n Men step down if they\u2019re not needed. And because of society\u2019s message that men are no longer needed, many are staying in their parents basements.<\/p>\n Although most men will not go out of their way to take on challenges and responsibility, this is the very thing they should do if they want to thrive. Indeed, it is becoming common knowledge that perception is followed by physical experience in the form of self-fulfilling prophecy. If you believe you will succeed, you often do.<\/p>\n If you set your sights high in life, you will achieve incredible things. In order to do this, you can no longer play the victim to circumstances. Blaming the world, your parents, school, or the challenges you\u2019ve faced in life is not going to solve your problems. It\u2019s going to keep you stuck and bitter.<\/p>\n Instead, take the time to imagine and mentally create your ideal life. Mental creation\u00a0always\u00a0<\/em>precedes physical creation.<\/p>\n You have the inner power to create whatever life you want to achieve. All you have to do is spend the time creating that world with intention. Write down exactly what you want in life. Set your standards\u00a0ridiculously<\/em>\u00a0high. Don\u2019t hold anything back.<\/p>\n Read, rewrite, and reread your ambitions often. These will soon consume your subconscious mind creating new patterns in your brain. Eventually, you\u2019ll manifest the world you\u2019ve been creating in your head.<\/p>\n Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism, and every other religious and spiritual tradition strongly stress the significance of regular prayer. Although the form of practice may be different, the purpose is the same:<\/p>\n Prayer (and modifications such as meditation and gratitude journals) are\u00a0regularly found\u00a0<\/a>to increase physical and mental well-being.<\/p>\n For me, I often combine prayer with journal writing as a form of meditation. I seek inspiration, direction, heightened perspective, and gratitude.<\/p>\n Scientifically supported benefits<\/a>\u00a0of prayer include:<\/p>\n People are often turned-off by prayer, believing it is a strictly \u201creligious\u201d practice. Even if organized religion is not your thing, you can still have a positive and healthy relationship with prayer.<\/p>\n You are who you surround yourself with. There\u2019s no way around it. If you want to evolve past your current state, you need to remove yourself from the negative forces in your life. This will not be easy. Misery loves company.<\/p>\n However, when you decide to remove yourself from negative people \u2014 and instead surround yourself with people who uplift and inspire you \u2014 your life will dramatically improve.<\/p>\n Take the leap. Invite your friends to come along with you. If they don\u2019t understand your needed evolution, kindly bid them a loving farewell.<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019re supposed to believe that relationships tie people down, that they are the death knell for creativity and ambition. Nonsense.\u201d<\/em>\u00a0\u2014 Ryan Holiday<\/p>\n With all the productivity and success advice going on in the world today,\u00a0very little is written<\/a>\u00a0about the benefits of finding a spouse who supports you and makes you better.<\/p>\n It is quite rare for people to stay committed to anything or anyone these days. There are countless fatherless children. Many seek easy sexual prey followed by the internal pit of emptiness \u2014 too afraid to reveal and confront their true identity.<\/p>\n\n
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1. Think Beyond\u00a0Yourself<\/h3>\n
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2. Stop Playing Video\u00a0Games<\/h3>\n
3. Learn In Healthy Environments And Lay-Off The\u00a0Meds<\/h3>\n
4. Get Intensive Physical Stimulation<\/h3>\n
Healthy Testosterone Levels<\/h3>\n
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The Need For Physical\u00a0Pain<\/h3>\n
5. Take Responsibility For Your Life And Set Your Standards High<\/h3>\n
6. Prayer, Meditation, And Journal\u00a0Writing<\/h3>\n
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7. Earn Good\u00a0Friends<\/h3>\n
8. Commit Fully To\u00a0Someone<\/h3>\n